“We can afford it.”
Those four words have destroyed more family budgets than any unexpected expense ever could.
Li-Ming and Wei-Lin run a profitable landscaping business. Money flows in regularly. Their business account stays healthy. On paper, they’re winning.
But here’s what their bank statements don’t show: the couple consistently overspends their personal budget by hundreds—sometimes thousands—of dollars each month. And when the credit card bill comes due? Li-Ming simply takes extra money out of the business to cover it.
“If you always run to the business for more money to cover your lifestyle,” their coach Bryan warned them, “you’re going to cannibalize your business and run it into the ground.”
They aren’t reckless people. They’re not frivolous spenders. But they fell into the most seductive trap in personal finance: believing that having money available means you can afford everything you want.
Here’s the truth they discovered: You can have anything you want. You just can’t have everything you want.
The coaching session started like many others—reviewing the budget, checking progress, talking through the numbers.
Then Bryan asked Wei-Lin about groceries.
She’d set an ambitious goal: reduce their grocery spending from a typical $1,900 per month down to $1,200. It was a stretch, but she was determined. She’d been tracking carefully, checking her budget app every week.
“How much did you spend on groceries this month?” Bryan asked.
“$1,557,” Wei-Lin answered. “With a week left in the month.”
The problem wasn’t her intention. It was her method.
Wei-Lin had been checking their budgeting app weekly to see how much money remained for groceries. But here’s the catch: transactions often took days to appear. She’d check on Monday, see $400 available, and think she was fine. But three grocery trips from the previous week hadn’t posted yet.
By the time those charges showed up, she’d already spent based on false information.
Li-Ming had his own version of emotional spending. During a visit to a local farmer’s market—which offered free activities for their family—he got caught up in the moment. Books. Bracelets. Food. His heart was in the right place.
“He was excited to be there with the kids,” Wei-Lin explained. “He loves spending time together and spoiling them..”
Beautiful sentiment. Zero budget consultation.
But the real breaking point came when Bryan confronted their pattern: personal overspending → raid business profits → pay down resulting credit card debt → repeat.
In June alone, Li-Ming had withdrawn an extra $10,000 from the business to pay off credit card debt they’d accumulated from previous months of “we can afford it” decisions.
Bryan didn’t sugarcoat it: “That’s not how sustainable businesses operate. If an employee came to you asking for a raise to cover their personal debt, what would you say?”
The room got quiet.
They realized they were treating their business like an unlimited ATM rather than a separate entity that needed protection and growth. Their profitable business was subsidizing an undisciplined personal lifestyle—and eventually, that math stops working.
Let’s look at the numbers that revealed their dangerous pattern:
The Grocery Budget Disaster:
- Goal: $1,200/month (down from typical $1,900)
- Actual Spending: $1,557 with one week remaining
- Weekly Target: ~$275/week to stay on track
- Problem: Relied on delayed app updates instead of real-time tracking
The Business Raid Pattern:
- June Business Distribution: Extra $10,000 withdrawn to cover personal credit card debt
- Root Cause: Months of personal overspending creating recurring debt cycles
- Long-term Risk: Cannibalizing business capital and threatening company stability
The “We Can Afford It” Math:
Here’s where Li-Ming and Wei-Lin—and many business owners—get it wrong. They looked at business profits and concluded they had plenty of money. But having money available isn’t the same as being able to afford something.
Real affordability requires three things:
- The purchase fits within your predetermined budget allocation
- The purchase doesn’t require raiding other funds (business or emergency savings)
- The purchase doesn’t create debt that requires future business distributions to pay off
Li-Ming and Wei-Lin unfortunately failed all three tests repeatedly.
When Li-Ming made impulse purchases at the Farmer’s Market, he didn’t check if they had discretionary spending available. When Wei-Lin overspent on groceries, she didn’t adjust spending in other categories to compensate. And when the credit card bill came due, they treated the business like a personal bailout fund.
The Hidden Cost:
Every dollar taken from the business to cover personal lifestyle inflation is a dollar that could have:
- Been reinvested in business growth
- Created business emergency reserves
- Generated wealth through business expansion
- Built long-term business equity
Instead, those dollars disappeared into groceries, impulse purchases, and lifestyle expenses the couple couldn’t even remember a month later.
Bryan introduced Li-Ming and Wei-Lin to two critical mindset shifts that would determine whether they succeeded or failed.
Shift #1: “We can have anything we want—just not everything we want.”
This became the mantra that changed everything.
They had fallen into all-or-nothing thinking: either they could spend freely on whatever they wanted (the old pattern), or they had to become miserly penny-pinchers who never enjoyed life (their fear about budgeting).
Bryan showed them the middle path: Strategic choice.
Every dollar is a choice. Spending $200 on impulse purchases at an event means choosing not to spend that $200 somewhere else—maybe a family vacation fund, or their kids’ activities, or building business reserves.
The question isn’t “Can we afford this?” The question is: “Is this our top priority for these dollars right now?”
Shift #2: “It’s not me telling you what to do. It’s the money.”
Wei-Lin admitted something raw during their session: “In the middle of our meetings, part of me always starts to get really annoyed. You’re like, ‘you can’t spend it,’ and I’m like, ‘oh my gosh, I’ll show you what I can do.'”
Her frustration was real—and completely misdirected.
Bryan reframed it: “It’s not my fault. It’s the money.”
The mathematics of budgeting doesn’t care about emotions, desires, or how justified a purchase feels in the moment. If you have $275 allocated for weekly groceries and you spend $400, the shortage isn’t Bryan’s opinion—it’s objective reality.
This shift—from seeing limits as external control to recognizing them as mathematical facts—transformed Li-Ming and Wei-Lin’s emotional relationship with money.
Here’s how to avoid the “we can afford it” trap that nearly destroyed the Chens’ financial stability:
1. Track Every Expense, Give Each a Category
Apps and spreadsheets are only as good as your tracking and consistency. Use these methods as well:
- Keep a running total on your phone’s notes app
- Save paper receipts until they show up on the app
- Check your actual bank balance before every purchase, not what your app shows
The Rule: If you don’t know exactly how much you’ve spent in a category right now, you’re guessing—and guessing leads to overspending.
2. Implement Weekly Budget Check-Ins
Monthly budgeting isn’t enough. Break your monthly allocations into weekly targets:
- $1,200/month for groceries = ~$300/week
- $400/month for dining out = ~$100/week
- $200/month for entertainment = ~$50/week
Every Sunday, check where you stand. Adjust spending for the coming week based on reality, not hope.
3. Create a “Pause Protocol” for Unplanned Purchases
Before any unbudgeted purchase:
- Check the relevant budget category
- Ask: “Is this our top priority for these dollars?”
- Discuss with your spouse if over $50
- Wait 24 hours for purchases over $100
This simple pause prevents the emotional spending that derailed Li-Ming and Wei-Lin repeatedly.
4. Separate Business and Personal Finances Completely
If you own a business:
- Pay yourself a fixed salary or distribution amount based on what the business can afford and not what your lifestyle demands
- Never raid business profits to cover personal overspending
- Treat your business like you’d treat an employer—you wouldn’t ask your boss for extra money because you overspent on groceries
5. Embrace “Creative Constraint” Instead of “Creative Avoidance”
Li-Ming tried to simplify by removing certain variable expenses from their budget entirely, like medical, eating out, or car repairs.. Bryan called this “creative avoidance of reality,” these things happen, so plan for them, just don’t overplan for them.
Instead, practice creative constraint: Work within your limits to find solutions that honor both your values and your budget.
Tired of the “we can afford it” lie sabotaging your financial goals? Get our FREE Financial Snapshot Worksheet to see exactly where you stand financially and discover the gap between what you’re spending and what you can actually afford.
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You can have anything you want. You just can’t have everything you want. What will you choose?
